Old Gregg

-------
Howard: Got something. I've got something! Ha! Come to Papa Moon. That's it, come on. (grunts)

Old Gregg: Hi there.

Howard: Who are you?

Old Gregg: I'm Old Gregg. Pleased to meet you.

Howard: What do you want?

Old Gregg: Maybe I should ask you the same question. What you doing in my waters?

Howard: Just taking the air, you know. Not fishing!

Old Gregg: Then how come this hook's in my head, fool?

Howard: It's nothing to do with me, sir.

Old Gregg: It's attached to your rod, motherlicker!

Howard: Don't kill me, I've got so much to give.

Old Gregg: Easy now, fuzzy little man-peach, hmm? You ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?

Howard: What?

Old Gregg: Wanna come to a club where people wee on each other?

Howard: No?

Old Gregg: I'm gonna hurt you.

Howard: Excuse me?

Old Gregg: I like you. What do you think of me?

Howard: I don't rightly know, sir.

Old Gregg: Make an assessment.

Howard: I think you're a nice, modern gentleman.

Old Gregg: Don't lie to me, boy!

Howard: I'm not lying!

Old Gregg: I know what you're thinking. Here comes Old Gregg, he's a scaly man-fish. You don't know me. You don't know what I got. I got something to show you. (bright light shines) You know what that is? That's Old Gregg's vagina. I've got a mangina! I'M OLD GREEEEEEEEGG! (Echoes)


(at Gregg's place)


Howard: What's happening?

Old Gregg: I'm Old Gregg.

Howard: What?

Old Gregg: I'm Old Gregg!

Howard: Where am I?

Old Gregg: Gregg's place. You've been asleep. Do you want a little drinky? I'll get you a drink. You like Bailey's? Mmmm... creamy. Soft, creamy beige.

Howard: Mmmm... delicious.

Old Gregg: Do you like Old Gregg's place? I've got all things that are good.

Howard: You've done some nice things with it.

Old Gregg: I've got this. This is good.

Howard: That's nice.

Old Gregg: You can have it.

Howard: I'm fine, thanks.

Old Gregg: I'll keep it here for you.

Howard: Well, is this the way ... out? Uhm, I better be scootin'. Got meetings and a friend of mine is waiting, so perhaps I should be...

Old Gregg: Why are you going? We got everything we need here. We got Bailey's... creamy. And everything we need. I'll get you another Bailey's.

Howard: I'm fine, thanks.

Old Gregg: I do watercolors.

Howard: Do you?

Old Gregg: Let me show you something. I call that one Old Gregg. And then that one I call Old Gregg. And this one, you know what I call that one?

Howard: Old Gregg?

Old Gregg: Yes sir, thank you sir. I got some more. I got these too. That one's Bailey's. That one's Bailey's a bit bigger. And that one's as close as you can get to Bailey's without your eyes getting wet.

Howard: Mmm, that is quite a portfolio you've got going on there. But I really should be heading off, so it's been good.

Old Gregg: We could do some watercolors together. You and I.

Howard: Well, that sounds like great fun. Let's do it in the week then Gregg.

Old Gregg: What do you mean?

Howard: Well, you free Thursday at all?

Old Gregg: Why can't we do it now?

Howard: Well, you know, I'm a busy man, Gregg. You know, I got things to do. Howard Moon, man about town. (laughs awkwardly)

Old Gregg: Do you love me?

Howard: Oh dear.

Old Gregg: Do you love me?

Howard: Umm, gonna have to pretend I didn't hear that, Gregg.

Old Gregg: You think you could ever love me?

Howard:Uh, it doesn't really work like that, Gregg.

Old Gregg: How does it work? Tell me how it works.

Howard: Well, you get to know someone, you hang out, you see where that goes. This, that, the other, eventually... you know. I don't know you!

Old Gregg: You know me, hmm? What about the boat times?

Howard: That wasn't really a time, was it, Gregg? That was more of just a... an exposure.

Old Gregg: That was our first date, hmm? You pulled me up with your strong arms!

Howard: Oh dear, look, Gregg, I don't know you!

Old Gregg: Oh, you know me. You've seen my downstairs mix-up.

Howard: Yeah, I didn't ask to see that, did I?

Old Gregg: What did it mean to you to see that? Did it mean you love me?

Howard: No, It didn't.

Old Gregg: Could you learn to love me?

Howard: No, I couldn't. I don't love you!

Old Gregg: You do love me.

Howard: No, I don't!

Old Gregg: You do love me.

Howard: No, I don't.

Old Gregg: You love me and you've seen me and you know me. I'm Old Gregg!

Howard: Yeah, I know you are. You've told me 89 times now.

Old Gregg: You must love me exactly as I love you.

Howard: Well, I don't love you and to be honest you're starting to get on my nerves a bit now. If anything I find you slightly pathetic, so deal with that!

Old Gregg: Maybe I will deal with it. Hmm? Maybe I'll deal with it the way I dealt with Curly Jefferson!

Howard: You know what Gregg? Maybe I was being a bit hasty there, uh, when I said I didn't love you. Perhaps now in this light with you in the tu-tu and the water playing off your... seaweed. Maybe I could love you. Maybe I was lying because when you do love someone sometimes you say you don't because you're playing hard to get, playing a game.

Old Gregg: Games?

Yoda's WHOLE Name

Source: Today I Found Out

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King of the Mods!

Mod wolves make it all better!

A go-go no-no

Sooo many things are wrong here!  Dance white people!  Dance, dammit!

Shake Your Buddha

I got up this morning feeling so low.  So much so that I wanted to curl up with a copy of The Bell Jar and a bottle of Ambien.  I resisted. I realized I had forgotten to take my diet pill and was in withdrawal.

--A text I sent to a friend on 02/27/2011.    

It's March.  It's a sunny day.  It's 51F outside and there are pea green and pink blooms everywhere. I will teach the niños later and make a final exam for my night class.  Giving this exam will make up for the tedium, since this is the last class in a series of eight.  Whenever I agree to teach these mini-sessions, I feel like I'm cheating.  I literally go through an entire semester's worth of material in 6 classes.  The students are older,generally, and have their own families, jobs, drama, boredom, ailments...lives.  I don't fool myself in believing  that the majority of these students are enrolled for the love of learning.  They are simply trying to get the class out of the way.  I will say that some are truly dedicated at first.  By class 4, however, they are exhausted.  THEN the family issues, and the illnesses begin to crop up.  Occasionally, I will have a younger student miss two classes in a row.  Some bring notes from doctors, and have contacted me as well as spoken with classmates.  Some don't care.  This last group is one of my favorite.  Their simple lack of concern for their own academic well-being astonishes me.  I have a student now who has missed 3 out of 7 classes, and been late to all but one attended.  The lateness, I can forgive.  I tend to forgive tardiness, since I have been/am/will be guilty of it.  I always go over material in various ways, thereby repeating the lecture.  I have modeled my class as a safe place for the tardy student.

I should take a walk.