Old Gregg

-------
Howard: Got something. I've got something! Ha! Come to Papa Moon. That's it, come on. (grunts)

Old Gregg: Hi there.

Howard: Who are you?

Old Gregg: I'm Old Gregg. Pleased to meet you.

Howard: What do you want?

Old Gregg: Maybe I should ask you the same question. What you doing in my waters?

Howard: Just taking the air, you know. Not fishing!

Old Gregg: Then how come this hook's in my head, fool?

Howard: It's nothing to do with me, sir.

Old Gregg: It's attached to your rod, motherlicker!

Howard: Don't kill me, I've got so much to give.

Old Gregg: Easy now, fuzzy little man-peach, hmm? You ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?

Howard: What?

Old Gregg: Wanna come to a club where people wee on each other?

Howard: No?

Old Gregg: I'm gonna hurt you.

Howard: Excuse me?

Old Gregg: I like you. What do you think of me?

Howard: I don't rightly know, sir.

Old Gregg: Make an assessment.

Howard: I think you're a nice, modern gentleman.

Old Gregg: Don't lie to me, boy!

Howard: I'm not lying!

Old Gregg: I know what you're thinking. Here comes Old Gregg, he's a scaly man-fish. You don't know me. You don't know what I got. I got something to show you. (bright light shines) You know what that is? That's Old Gregg's vagina. I've got a mangina! I'M OLD GREEEEEEEEGG! (Echoes)


(at Gregg's place)


Howard: What's happening?

Old Gregg: I'm Old Gregg.

Howard: What?

Old Gregg: I'm Old Gregg!

Howard: Where am I?

Old Gregg: Gregg's place. You've been asleep. Do you want a little drinky? I'll get you a drink. You like Bailey's? Mmmm... creamy. Soft, creamy beige.

Howard: Mmmm... delicious.

Old Gregg: Do you like Old Gregg's place? I've got all things that are good.

Howard: You've done some nice things with it.

Old Gregg: I've got this. This is good.

Howard: That's nice.

Old Gregg: You can have it.

Howard: I'm fine, thanks.

Old Gregg: I'll keep it here for you.

Howard: Well, is this the way ... out? Uhm, I better be scootin'. Got meetings and a friend of mine is waiting, so perhaps I should be...

Old Gregg: Why are you going? We got everything we need here. We got Bailey's... creamy. And everything we need. I'll get you another Bailey's.

Howard: I'm fine, thanks.

Old Gregg: I do watercolors.

Howard: Do you?

Old Gregg: Let me show you something. I call that one Old Gregg. And then that one I call Old Gregg. And this one, you know what I call that one?

Howard: Old Gregg?

Old Gregg: Yes sir, thank you sir. I got some more. I got these too. That one's Bailey's. That one's Bailey's a bit bigger. And that one's as close as you can get to Bailey's without your eyes getting wet.

Howard: Mmm, that is quite a portfolio you've got going on there. But I really should be heading off, so it's been good.

Old Gregg: We could do some watercolors together. You and I.

Howard: Well, that sounds like great fun. Let's do it in the week then Gregg.

Old Gregg: What do you mean?

Howard: Well, you free Thursday at all?

Old Gregg: Why can't we do it now?

Howard: Well, you know, I'm a busy man, Gregg. You know, I got things to do. Howard Moon, man about town. (laughs awkwardly)

Old Gregg: Do you love me?

Howard: Oh dear.

Old Gregg: Do you love me?

Howard: Umm, gonna have to pretend I didn't hear that, Gregg.

Old Gregg: You think you could ever love me?

Howard:Uh, it doesn't really work like that, Gregg.

Old Gregg: How does it work? Tell me how it works.

Howard: Well, you get to know someone, you hang out, you see where that goes. This, that, the other, eventually... you know. I don't know you!

Old Gregg: You know me, hmm? What about the boat times?

Howard: That wasn't really a time, was it, Gregg? That was more of just a... an exposure.

Old Gregg: That was our first date, hmm? You pulled me up with your strong arms!

Howard: Oh dear, look, Gregg, I don't know you!

Old Gregg: Oh, you know me. You've seen my downstairs mix-up.

Howard: Yeah, I didn't ask to see that, did I?

Old Gregg: What did it mean to you to see that? Did it mean you love me?

Howard: No, It didn't.

Old Gregg: Could you learn to love me?

Howard: No, I couldn't. I don't love you!

Old Gregg: You do love me.

Howard: No, I don't!

Old Gregg: You do love me.

Howard: No, I don't.

Old Gregg: You love me and you've seen me and you know me. I'm Old Gregg!

Howard: Yeah, I know you are. You've told me 89 times now.

Old Gregg: You must love me exactly as I love you.

Howard: Well, I don't love you and to be honest you're starting to get on my nerves a bit now. If anything I find you slightly pathetic, so deal with that!

Old Gregg: Maybe I will deal with it. Hmm? Maybe I'll deal with it the way I dealt with Curly Jefferson!

Howard: You know what Gregg? Maybe I was being a bit hasty there, uh, when I said I didn't love you. Perhaps now in this light with you in the tu-tu and the water playing off your... seaweed. Maybe I could love you. Maybe I was lying because when you do love someone sometimes you say you don't because you're playing hard to get, playing a game.

Old Gregg: Games?

Yoda's WHOLE Name

Source: Today I Found Out

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King of the Mods!

Mod wolves make it all better!

A go-go no-no

Sooo many things are wrong here!  Dance white people!  Dance, dammit!

Shake Your Buddha

I got up this morning feeling so low.  So much so that I wanted to curl up with a copy of The Bell Jar and a bottle of Ambien.  I resisted. I realized I had forgotten to take my diet pill and was in withdrawal.

--A text I sent to a friend on 02/27/2011.    

It's March.  It's a sunny day.  It's 51F outside and there are pea green and pink blooms everywhere. I will teach the niños later and make a final exam for my night class.  Giving this exam will make up for the tedium, since this is the last class in a series of eight.  Whenever I agree to teach these mini-sessions, I feel like I'm cheating.  I literally go through an entire semester's worth of material in 6 classes.  The students are older,generally, and have their own families, jobs, drama, boredom, ailments...lives.  I don't fool myself in believing  that the majority of these students are enrolled for the love of learning.  They are simply trying to get the class out of the way.  I will say that some are truly dedicated at first.  By class 4, however, they are exhausted.  THEN the family issues, and the illnesses begin to crop up.  Occasionally, I will have a younger student miss two classes in a row.  Some bring notes from doctors, and have contacted me as well as spoken with classmates.  Some don't care.  This last group is one of my favorite.  Their simple lack of concern for their own academic well-being astonishes me.  I have a student now who has missed 3 out of 7 classes, and been late to all but one attended.  The lateness, I can forgive.  I tend to forgive tardiness, since I have been/am/will be guilty of it.  I always go over material in various ways, thereby repeating the lecture.  I have modeled my class as a safe place for the tardy student.

I should take a walk.

  

Sleepy Bliss

     So it's been almost a month since my last blog entry.   I decided to transfer it (my first, most recent, and last...) to Blogger.  My options here seem greater and more easily accessible.  We shall see.  For now, this is my new blog home.

     It's Friday morning and my first class isn't until 11am.  I've prepared in advance, so I chose to turn on Pandora to my "The Cardigans" channel.  It's all through my tv now and the sound is pretty good.  I've had plenty of sleepy dozing betwixt The Cardigans, Smashing Pumpkins, Six Pence None the Richer, The Cure,  and The Sundays whilst under a giant duvet.  A giant cup of coffee now, and little blogging have made for a wonderful morning so far.
_______
     The response to my last entry was done on my FB wall.  I had to erase much of it, for the comments were profanity ladened, bursting with ignorance, and given by two highly uninformed cousins of a dead paternal uncle who lived his life in a series of highly altered states.  Sadly, his daughter had followed in his footsteps for many years and is now very bitter that she has little to show for a hard lived life.  What's interesting is that she is very protective of my Aunt (see last entry) and my father (who passed in 2007).  She, fueled by mentioned Aunt's willfully ignorant venom, is convinced that I abandoned my father and brother to go to college in another state.  They refuse to believe that I left a physically and emotionally abusive situation at 17 to pursue other options. These options included, safety, an education, opportunities, and belonging.  Had it not been for this decision to leave and improve my life, I would not be able to provide for my brother now.  Although in care, he still has many needs.  Not one of these "family" members will visit, write, nor call him.  Simply stated, they are miserable people who don't have much going on and their hatred of me merely gives them a twisted sense of purpose.  I have chosen to cut contact and to continue my happy life...uninterrupted.  My brother will continue to be a major part of my life.  His little brother will drive, and shop, and clean, and spoil, and protect, and love him with all of his heart.  His life will be filled with love and belonging.  Now that I have found it within myself, I am able to share it freely.

     Now, that's ALL I have to say about XMUS in TEXUS!
_______

      The song Dreams by The Cranberries is playing.

XMUS IN TEXUS

I got to Texas on Xmus Eve and saw my brother.  He said  (after going 2 months without seeing me) "HEY!  Where are the presents?"  How nice.  I'd been driving for 5 hours.  What to do?  Si I turned around and  emptied the car.   Then, I realized that the surround sound system I bought my brother was STILL in my apartment.  He had a million gifts BUT that one was the BIG one...SANTA was bringing it...I still had time.  I remained calm.  I took Brad shopping for his birthday (it's 12/13 but we always get together later when I'm on break).  OK.  So we went to Hasting's and found multiple $10 box set deals and he wound up with EIGHTEEN CDs.   He got some neat black metal wire shelving too...HAPPY birthday,Brad! 

Well it's xmus eve and $#!+'s closing down all around us (we're in Mt.  Pleasant, TX and even fucking Wal-Mart closed at 8:00pm).  I literally left Brad in the car (first turning the heat on full blast for a minute then turning it off so he could be warm).  I found the SAME surround sound system and bought it...again.  "WE ARE "GOING TO HAVE CHRISTMAS GODDAMMIT!!!"  I thought the whole time in and out of Wal-Mart.  McDonald's was closed and we went through a drive through called "Chicken Express".  (BTW, these Christians will tell ANYBODY Merry Christmas.  These $%^&  have taken it BACK down here...holy $%^.) OK, so Brad got a number 1 combo strip dinner.  Why am I telling you this?  It’s because, THAT made his night.  Not the DAMNED CDs...the CHICKEN!  He told EVERYBODY about that WONDERFUL chicken until bedtime. I left thenursinghome and stayed in the only motel in a 40 mile radius. I think I may have athlete's foot and tuberculosis...time will tell.   (The Relax Inn...the owners are lovely.  Lord Ganesha can be seen in black velvet above the pay area...NEVERTHELESS...bring a can of Lysol and wrap the remote in the plastic the complementary cups come in.)

I got up on Xmus day, got ready, and went back to the home.  I had laid out a special blue outfit (pants with hoodie and gray t-shirt) for the attendant the night before).  Brad looked great!  I had told him that we were going to a surprise destination for the day.  (I had spoken with my Aunt Lawanda >my dad's sister< last Monday. The thing is that Brad and I have lost both parents and we really don't have anywhere to go for the holidays.)  She said since she would be in town that we could come and see her...mind you, she lives with her 47 and 50 year old sons in a townhouse in Henderson ,TX which is an hour and a half drive away). She did not answer any calls from me after Monday.  I had no idea what time, nor what to bring...I even called my cousin in LA to see if Jeff (the 50 year old) had gotten another cell phone...all I got was voicemail. So,Brad and I get in the Rabbit and start driving to Henderson.  I mean she DID say to come for Christmas. 

Half way to Henderson, TX, Brad needed to go to the restroom.  So we stopped in a middle sized town called Longview.  Well, it's Christmas day and there were no gas stations open that we could find.  I carried a portable urinal for just this occurrence. I went behind a Petco and a Michael's in a shopping plaza.  I got out, went to Brad's side of the car.  I opened the door and I helped him take care of his business.  Upon standing, I had a urinal filled with pee in one hand and keys in the other.  WELL...I heard a voice.  "Turn around so that I can see your face."  So I did.  There was a cop with his $%^&*%$ hand on his gun.  Then he said, "Put the items on the ground."  I did.  He proceeded to ask me what I was doing and I told him the truth.  Then he asked me why I didn't go to a gas station.  Apparently, he was not aware of the birth of acertainLORD AND SAVIOR wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid to rest in a manger!  I made reference to the before mentioned deity's birthday celebration and the fact that EVERYTHING was closed.  The cop said he could see me from the road.  (Well of course he could.  It was like finding a black rock on a white sheet.  There were no other cars to be seen. He went to the driver's side door (which was open) and stared at my brother for a full minute (more like gawked).  He returned and asked me for my id.  I told him that my wallet was on the console and he let me get it.  He took my license and f-c-ing CALLED IT IN.  WTF? WHAT kind of person did he think I was?  A portly gay guy with a pee fetish who picks up his dates at nursing homes?  THIS sh-t was TWISTED!  My license check came back clear and I was allowed to go.  His last words were, "Go to a gas station next time."  I was so amazed by his stupidity that Ijustleft. WHAT could I say?  Effing idiot!

Forty-five minutes later, we arrive at Aunt Lawanda's.  I rang her doorbell and waited.  I rang it again.  I waited.  TO BE COMPLETELY fair I rang a THIRD time.  My 50 year old cousin answered shirtless.  He had to be at work in 30 minutes. I asked him about Christmas and he said that he had no idea that we were even coming.  I told him I had been calling all week and he said that he never heard the phone ring.  (I think she unplugged it).  Nevertheless, poor Brad's Christmas surprise location was a BIG letdown for BOTH of us.  Lawanda tried to call us an hour later.  The ONLY thing I could do was mute the phone, and yell, "DIE SCREAMING!!"  My brother agreed.  This woman will go to LA, Branson, Dallas, tell me all about it…and then will tell me with a straight face that an hour and a half is a long trip just to seemybrother. %^& HER! 

We decided to have our first Chinese Buffet for Christmas. I sent a text to Tiny (she and her family lived across the street from us our entire childhood).  She told us to come over and we did.  We ate Texan-Soul Food, played and watched the Michael Jackson dance game for Play Station, hugged and kissed and talked about old times, and laughed.  We had a STELLAR time! 

I took Brad home and drove forty miles to the nearest La Quinta. 

I got up the next day (the 26th), drove back to Brad's and rearranged his furniture, cleaned out his drawers and storage, organized his belongings, and labeled EVERY drawer.  I positioned, connected, and calibrated his surround sound and Brad was happy!